The Frame Theory: The Psychological Secret to Getting Your Ex Back

Everyone wants to understand romii's Frame Theory. Everyone wants to master it.

For seven years, over 5,000 clients have proven its effectiveness through their success stories. Once you understand this theory, maintaining a loving relationship for a lifetime becomes incredibly easy. The probability of getting back together with an ex also skyrockets.

The Frame Theory can seem complex. For years, I've tried to help every visitor to our blog grasp this concept. Our number one goal at romii is to help you get back with your ex on your own, without needing a consultation. That's why we regularly publish so many articles and share information. For everyone reading this, my aim is to help you achieve a perfect understanding of the Frame Theory.

Today, I'm going to explain the [Frame Theory] in very simple terms.

I'll use an interesting story to make sure you grasp the concept firmly. I know your attention span might have shortened from watching short-form videos, but I urge you to read this article to the end. You will find lasting peace in your love life.

Imagine a world-famous tennis player. Let's call him Alex. Strangely, he always wears a worn-out green bracelet. There's a deep story behind it.

When Alex was 12, he reached a point where he wanted to quit tennis. But his mother, seeing him only compete in small junior tournaments, told him, "If you wear this bracelet, you'll feel calm even in the most nerve-wracking moments."

And just like magic, his anxiety vanished during the next junior tournament. Thanks to that, he won a competition for the first time in his life. It was the happiest moment of his life. But two months later, his mother passed away suddenly from an illness. Now, whenever Alex looks at the bracelet, he thinks of his mother and feels that she is with him.

As an adult competing on the world stage, Alex feels a sense of calm whenever he plays wearing the bracelet. It reminds him of that happy moment at 12 when he dramatically won the junior tournament. It also brings back overwhelming emotions of love for his mother.

Even as a tennis player earning millions a year, this old bracelet is more precious to him than anything else. However, if a hotel housekeeper saw it, they might think, "Is this trash?" and throw it away. But for Alex, it's more valuable than a million-dollar diamond bracelet.

To Alex, the bracelet is the most precious object in the world.

So, what did you think while reading this story? I wrote it to explain the Frame Theory. The point I want to make is this:

• To the hotel housekeeper, the bracelet is: Trash.

• To Alex, the bracelet is: An irreplaceable, precious treasure.

Conclusion: "When faced with the same situation, people feel different emotions and perceive different values."

Humans don't view situations objectively; we view them subjectively. Right here lies the hint for maintaining a relationship or getting back together. The theory that applies this insight is the 'Frame Theory' from romii's relationship psychology.

To understand romii's Frame Theory, you need to understand a characteristic of the human brain. Let me ask you a question. What kind of person do we want as a partner? What kind of person do we fall in love with?

Answer: Humans are attracted to people who have a value that is at least equal to, or greater than, their own.

"Raising your frame" is the act of creating a certain perception in your partner's mind through specific actions. A bit difficult? Let me explain it more simply.

Humans are subconsciously attracted to people they perceive as having a higher value than themselves. For instance, have you ever observed a work dinner with a manager and a new employee? Even without seeing their faces, you can tell who is the boss and who is the subordinate just by their posture and expressions.

In a romantic relationship, if you adopt a confident, relaxed posture, your partner's brain will subconsciously ask, "Is this person better than me?" and they will feel attraction.

For example, people often say you shouldn't beg after a breakup. Why is that? Of course, according to relationship psychology, there are times when you should seem desperate, but in over 90% of cases, not clinging is the best approach.

Why shouldn't you beg? If you beg for them back after a breakup, this is what happens in your ex's brain:

Ex's Brain: 'Wow, look at them begging and pleading. They seem to be on a lower level than you. You should quickly go find someone who seems more valuable. It's a shame and I feel sorry for them, but... so what? It's more important for you to find a better partner!'

This is a subconscious process. Rationally, they know you're a good person and feel sorry for you, but their instinctual attraction fades. As a result, their brain cools the emotions they feel when they think of you. It reduces the frequency of nostalgic memories. The desire to get back together disappears (Low Frame).

You can raise your frame by doing the opposite. Let's say that after a breakup, you act cool and confident. You show that you're living well, maybe even give the impression that you're meeting someone new and amazing. You simply move on without a trace and cut off contact. This creates a dual emotional response in their brain:

The Brain's Dual Emotions: 'What a jerk... I may have been the one to break up, but they have zero respect for our relationship. I need to erase them completely. Block them on everything.'

'I can't stop thinking about them... I didn't realize it when we were together, but why do they keep popping into my head? Our relationship felt average... I even thought I was the better one... What is this sudden feeling? Why do I think of them more now that we've broken up? Why do the memories make me want to cry, and why am I so curious about them? We could have been so good together...'

When you're in a relationship, you don't need to play games. Just treat them well and love them as they are. But it's different when you're on the verge of a breakup or have already broken up. You need to intentionally act in a way that someone in a position of power would. This can make your ex perceive you as a high-value person. This perception will make them want to reconcile and leave them with lingering feelings for you.

Remember: 'You have to create a new perception in your ex's brain. That's what will make them have lingering feelings and create the desire to get back together.'

There are times when you face a relationship crisis or a breakup. In these moments, we at romii instruct clients to say things that challenge the other person. We might advise them to send a powerful message that makes the other person uncomfortable or to show off on social media how well they're doing.

Why should you show that you're doing well on social media? This is very common dating advice, but people often don't know the reason why. Many relationship columnists just say "that's how it is" without explaining it from a scientific or psychological perspective.

• Action: Showing you're living well on social media.

• Effect: Creates a subconscious thought in your ex's brain: "Was this person actually more valuable than me?"

• Action: Being the first to initiate a breakup during a crisis.

• Effect: Induces the brain's perception that "this person is a high-value individual who can live well without me," thus raising your frame.

In conclusion, in a breakup crisis, you must fundamentally adopt a 'High Frame'. You probably want to argue and have a lot to say right now. But please bear with me for a moment.

Clients often say during consultations, "If I do what you say, my ex will get upset and leave for good... I tried it, and that's what happened." They say this because they have a low understanding of the Frame Theory.

Skim through the lists below.

Low-Frame Behaviors (Submissive Posture)

• Constantly begging and pleading with your ex.

• Frequently contacting them and excessively demanding their attention.

• Continuously forgiving their mistakes and sacrificing yourself.

• Trying to win their affection with expensive gifts.

• Stalking their social media after a breakup and showing you care.

• Saying submissive things during the breakup like, "I'll always be waiting for you."

• Constantly apologizing and putting yourself down.

• Reacting emotionally with jealousy if they meet someone new.

• Crying or showing emotional turmoil in response to their words.

• Showing anxiety and restlessness when they don't contact you.

High-Frame Behaviors (Confident Posture)

• Appearing relaxed and giving the impression you can live well without them.

• Focusing on your own life and not being dependent on them.

• Remaining calm and cool even when being broken up with.

• Not caring if they don't contact you and living your life well.

• Initiating the breakup first, or acting unfazed if they break up with you.

• Putting them down or belittling them (Note: This is a "bad" way to raise your frame).

• Showing that you're living well and meeting new, more attractive people after the breakup.

• Posting pictures on social media of you living a great life post-breakup.

• Responding calmly even when they are angry or anxious.

• Not contacting them again after the breakup.

• Showing a lack of interest if they reach out to you first after the breakup.

Beginners often have this common misunderstanding: "Isn't being high-frame just being rude and acting like a jerk?"

This is addressed in our basic theory materials provided during consultation requests, but this is what we call 'raising your frame in a bad way.' It's not a good way to raise your frame because while it boosts your perceived value, it erodes trust. The behavior shown by the man in the video above, if we had to classify it, would be 'raising the frame in a bad way.'

A high-frame action means showing 'the behavior of a person with relatively high value.' Showing emotional instability is not a high-frame act. Clinginess is an emotional act, and constantly showing anger is also an emotional act. These are not the actions of a high-value, secure person.

For example, imagine a confident person who clearly points out an issue with a valid reason, thereby raising their frame. When the other person offers a remorseful apology, they smile and accept it with composure. This entire interaction is a high-frame, high-trust action and could be the turning point that makes someone choose them over others.

Of course, there are many other behaviors we could analyze, but today's article is focused solely on the 'Frame Theory.' Please understand if the explanation feels incomplete.

Now, let's wrap up. For those new to this theory, you probably have many questions. I imagine there are many points you'd like to argue.

It's completely natural to feel that way. Besides the Frame Theory, romii has 23 other major theoretical frameworks. While these could explain your questions, we'll save the detailed explanations for another time.

Let's end with a final review.

• If your relationship is in crisis, you must raise your frame. Raising your frame means: 'By acting in ways a person of relatively high value would, you plant a subconscious question in your partner's mind: 'Were they more valuable than me all along?' This naturally generates feelings, attraction, and the will to reconcile.'

• Being high-frame isn't about being rude or mean. It's about acting as a more valuable person would. For example, imagine a globally beloved actor at the peak of his fame meeting a fan. He would be relaxed, confident, and kind. This behavior itself is 'raising the frame in a good way.'

• In a relationship crisis or breakup situation, raising your frame should be your number one priority.